Praise Loudly, Discipline Quietly

Building relationships that carry a classroom all year

Welcome to the new school year! Whether this is your first year in the classroom or you’re an accomplished educator, back-to-school season brings a sense of excitement, nervousness, and sparked curiosity. Class lists, organized bookshelves, and clean classrooms are one thing, but the true magic comes when your students walk through the door. I distinctly remember standing in

front of twenty-seven first graders, my very first year teaching, thinking, “Ooooh my goodness, I’m in charge. What do I do?!” After a brief moment of panic, I managed to fumble my way through that first morning. I’d love to believe that my sweet students didn’t notice, but I’m sure my nervousness was palpable.

No amount of teacher prep programs can truly encompass the amount of emotional intelligence and patience those initial moments of the year require. Everything takes longer than we think it should, perfectly crafted lesson plans go out the window, and our role ping-pongs between teacher, caregiver, nurse, and mediator. 

To top it off, the research is clear: those precious weeks matter—a lot.

The first few weeks of the first term establish the foundation for the rest of the year. When we invest in relationships, build strong routines and procedures, and create safety that can be felt and seen, our students are more likely to thrive. No pressure.

So, how do we get there?

Here are some tips and tricks that helped me immensely, especially early in my career:

Invest in Relationships

We know building relationships early is important, but what does that mean? Well, each year I gave myself one week to memorize all of my students’ names. Then? I was very intentional about doing my best to use their names only in a positive way. My mantra quickly became:

Praise loudly. Discipline quietly.

When I was calling attention to something, it was what I wanted my other students to replicate. Young students, especially, can’t always distinguish between positive and negative attention- they just want your attention.

So when Maria was talking to Becca, even though I had just reviewed the expectations for the lesson, which included no talking, I had a split-second decision to make.

Do I correct Maria and Becca for not following the directions? 

Or.

Do I thank Nathaniel and Asha for waiting quietly, just like I asked them to?

Honestly, I’ve done both. Sometimes patience wears thin in late August. What I quickly learned, however, was that while correcting behavior was faster in the moment, getting that moment back became impossible. It would now take double my efforts for Maria and Becca to feel safe in my classroom, which could take anywhere from half a day to several days, depending on the student.

Thanking Nathaniel and Asha may take longer in the moment, but soon I was thanking others. Carlos, Anthony, and Annica quickly caught on, mirroring the behavior of their peers. Eventually, Maria and Becca would be ready to join. Or, I would walk over to them calmly and quietly remind them of our task.

Stephen Covey calls it the Relationship Bank Account. The more you invest in those relationships early in the year, the richer you become. And, when you inevitably need to correct, or make a withdrawal, there is enough trust saved to come back without too much pain.

Routines and Procedures

Sometimes I would forget that the students who left in May were not, in fact, the same ones who returned in August. Harry Wong, whose research shaped a generation of classroom management, draws a sharp line between a procedure — what the teacher wants students to do — and a routine — what students do automatically, without being asked. After a few years of this, I decided to embed both into every lesson. We would practice walking into our classroom, finding our desks, taking out our books, not touching our pencils, using our pencils, and putting them away when we were not using them. I quickly realized that my interpretation of the classroom expectations did not always align with my students’.

Another helpful mantra:

For every classroom rule, I can expect 30 different student interpretations.

Just like the grown-ups in the building, our students have vastly different lived experiences. Even the word “quiet” can have wildly different meanings. In some families, quiet may mean silent. In others, it’s a conversational tone. 

So the question becomes: what does it mean for your classroom, your students, and you?

Does quiet mean no talking at all? Does it mean a whisper? Whatever it is, let your students know. Practice what it means. Practice what it doesn’t mean. More importantly, embed joy into your practice. Have a non-example? Be silly about it. Giggle at how silly the non-example is. Then celebrate when your students do what you ask them to do (here’s where their names come in).

“Adriana remembered to wipe off her desk and even helped the rest of her row. Awesome, Adriana.”

Clear routines and procedures allow students to feel safe, which brings us to our last point.

Safety First

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Source: SimplyPsychology.org

We love our buddy, Maslow. According to his research, we can't do much as humans unless our basic needs are met first. Just above our physiological needs for food and water, we need to feel safe to find a sense of love and belonging. Safety means more than just a physical environment. It means that students are emotionally and mentally safe in their environment, too. They know what to expect and when, as well as the consequences when those things don’t happen.

Safe classrooms allow learning to flourish. Students understand their role in and how their actions impact those around them. They trust their teacher to guide them through each lesson and day overall. And, they know that together, they will have a successful (and fun) school year.